FLAG DAY SKULL SESSION

Say what you want about America (just not in the comments), but Old Glory has been sitting at No. 1 in the World Flag Power Rankings rankings since 1777.

#ShoutoutToBetsyRoss #CavsIn6

 11W WEEK IN REVIEW. Here is some stuff written this week by people more talented than me:

• Ohio State double-booked (maybe even triple-booked) the Horseshoe last Saturday. It worked out.
• 2015's five most important seniors.
• Meet Dakari Carter, one of the state's fastest prospects.
• Mirko Jurkovic, a 2015 three-star OL signee from IMG Academy, was unable to enroll due to an unanmed academic issue.
• Tweets from around campus.
• Matt Burrell, a guy who can play all five OL positions, is extremely good.
• The pitfalls of appealing to kids.
• 33% of Ohioan OSU fans want Dolodale to be the starting QB.
• Urban Meyer might have cheat codes.
• Jim Tressel, Urban Meyer headline the 2015 OSU Athletics Hall of Fame class.

 #ELITE15 ON DECK. College move-in day is one of the best days in human existence. Dorm life is trash, but on move-in day you're too stupid to realize that.

(I was so stupid; I drank MD-2020 unironically at the time. I didn't set any academic records my freshman year at the University of Montana, but I would go back in a second.)

For the members of #Elite15 who didn't early enroll, the transition from recruits to Ohio State students is complete.

Justin Hilliard, the crown jewel of the class, already packed all the dorm essentials:

Let us all join hands and pray Hilliard doesn't have 14 bottles of MD-2020 smuggled away in there.

(Parents: Text your #teen right now and say, "The jig's up, [Name]: I know about the Mad Dog." Mad Dog is #teen slang for MD-2020. They won't be able to lie due to you speaking in their serpent tongue. Just a little parenting tip from a childless man that lives alone with three cats.)

 SLOBS RUN WILD. Remember when Marcus Hall made history's bossiest exit from Michigan Stadium, and a wide-eyed Pat Elflein checked into the game? Once he got his sea legs under him, there was no looking back. That's when I knew he'd be a good one.

Decker deserves the love, but it's good to see the Pickerington product get some shine too.

From Mike Huguenin of NFL.com:

1. Ohio State: G Pat Elflein and OT Taylor Decker

The skinny: Decker (6-8, 315) will go into the season as one of the top three tackles nationally, and if he makes the improvement expected of top prospects from their junior to senior seasons, he will be in the mix to be selected in the top 10 of the 2016 NFL Draft. Decker started as a sophomore on the right side, then moved to left tackle last season and was the Buckeyes' best lineman. He was a good high school basketball player, and that shows in his top-flight footwork. Elflein (6-3, 300), a junior, is heading into his second season as a starter. He is a mauler in the running game, not surprising considering he was a high school wrestler of some renown; in addition, his summertime work in high school was pouring concrete.

I know history is littered with units that looked good on paper yet fell short, but I don't see how teams will stop Ohio State's attack outside of arming their defenders with tire irons.

Everything Ohio State does is based off the offensive line, and that unit is going to be a perfect balance of polished technique and old-school nastiness. (Please stay healthy, Taylor Decker.) It's going to be so unfair.

 DANG, THE 90s WERE WILD. Reader K.M. Losh emailed me a link to a patented 1993 banger — No. 3 Ohio State at No. 14 Wisconsin — that features the exalted Keith Jackson.

I was six at the time, and I'm not about to sit here and front like I gave a shit about Buckeye football at that point in my life, so I'll let Mr. Losh set the scene:

I was 20 years old when this game took place, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Look at how much Ohio State's offense has changed in the past 22 years. Wisconsin's offense is exactly the same.

Holy hell, Mr. Losh wasn't lying. WISCONSIN HAS BEEN THE SAME TEAM SINCE 1993, AT LEAST.

Sure, they had that one year with Russell Wilson (and three losses), but every Badger QB I can remember looks like the amicable adult son of a family featured in a Kraft Cheese commercial. Every. Single. One. The only hint of difference is the graininess of the broadcast. 

Mr. Losh is also right about Ohio State's offense. Urban Meyer has this school on another level. My friend and I watched the 2008 PSU-OSU game on BTN Saturday night (dynamite night, I know) and we both agreed the 2014 team would light the 2008 team up by about 50.

Cooper's teams were stuffed to the gills, but I don't think Coop is walking into a game against Urban Meyer and walking out with a W. Still, that's not an insult to the 1993 team, which finished10-1-1 (damn you to Hell, Michigan) and taxed BYU in the Holiday Bowl.

Oh, and good thing we got rid of ties. They work in soccer; they do not work in college football.

 WOMEN'S CLINIC STARTS AT 9 A.M. Are you a woman/hundredaire looking for something to do in Columbus today? Look no further:

Among other things, I assume it includes a workshop on how to explain the nuances of football to your dumb-ass boyfriend, paramour, fiancé, or husband. (Just try to stay patient, and remember: We're basically toilet-trained chimps.)

 THOSE WMDs. Milwaukee man hopes to confuse airline passengers by painting "Welcome to Cleveland" on his roof... It didn't end well for India's deepest mole into Pakistan... The science of water... Me, My Dad, and American Pharoah... At CatCon, Breaking a Stereotype.